There’s no scarier time than the countdown to your impending return to work after maternity leave. I wish I’d known then what I know now. Daycare ain’t all bad.
After the birth of my first child I took the maximum amount of time off from work allowable, 12 weeks. I knew that financially once my time was up, I would need to return to the office. This was a difficult reality for me, one that kept me up at night, even more so than my infant daughter.
It’s a reality many parents face.
The heartbreak that comes with packing up your baby in preparation for an 8-10 hour day with strangers in a daycare is indescribable.
Family members may be unwilling, incapable, unsuitable or living long distance and unable to assist you in the daily care of your baby. This leaves either a daycare facility or an in-home nanny as the only options.
I diligently did my research during my pregnancy and toured all the nearby facilities, taking into account price, location, qualifications and my gut.
I felt sick to my stomach throughout each and every tour.
In the end I chose a daycare that was within walking distance from my apartment and office building. It was close, the cost was a good middle ground, and it just felt the best.
Then that dreaded day came, and my working mom life began in a torrent of tears.
That part was not a surprise to me. The part that was a surprise was the fact that four years later when I was forced to withdrawal our daughter from her school due to the birth of our twins and our struggling financial situation, I cried again. I was actually sad to be leaving the very same daycare that had caused me so much anguish to begin.
Don’t get me wrong, given the choice, I would choose to stay home with my babies a million times over. Not everyone is necessarily suited to be a “stay at home mom”, nor is everyone able to due to certain financial or health insurance situations.
When we must, we must.
With that being said, let’s dive into the concerns and how to handle them in the best way possible for both your own sanity, as well as your baby’s.
The Stranger Factor
Obviously, your baby is being cared for by someone other than you, and this is always a negative in my opinion. There’s just never a substitute for you, the parent. However, if you’ve done your research properly and chosen a quality daycare, the staff within the school can end up becoming much, much more than just your child’s caretaker.
Get to know the staff!
Every day on my lunch break I’d literally run the distance between my office and the daycare to spend my pitiful 30 minute lunch break breastfeeding my daughter. I’d always sit in her classroom and chat with the teachers during this time. If she happened to be asleep when I got there, I’d still hang out in her room, offering my assistance where I could and getting to know the women who spent their entire day with my baby girl.
It didn’t take long for her teachers to get to know me and open up about their own lives and share stories about the goings on within the school. Learning the names of every single teacher, as well as their own children’s names, helped me develop friendships as opposed to being just a passing acquaintance at pick up.
It’s my belief that by doing so I not only helped myself by being more comfortable with the situation, but my daughter’s daily life as well.
When you involve yourself with the school and teachers at a deeper level, they tend to care more closely for your child.
If they know you will be asking them details about the day, they’ll take better notice of your baby throughout that day.
Just like in the workplace, when we know our boss’s are watching, we work harder and more efficiently. So it goes at the daycare. Interact with them – and they will be sure to interact with your child.
The bottom line is, if you’re upset about dropping your child off with strangers – do your very best to make them friends. Everyone will be the better for it.
Don’t Do Drop Off
Especially in the beginning I wouldn’t recommend doing the morning drop off. If your partner can handle this for you, it’ll help minimize the amount of mental anguish you experience. I found that having to leave my daughter in the hands of people I had not yet gotten to know closely to be exceptionally hard, if not impossible for me to handle.
About a year into things, after I was on an easy first name basis with everyone there, I was able to maneuver it with minimal issue.
Listen and Learn
As a first time parent I can safely say I was clueless. One thing about being involved in a daycare situation is that regardless of your personal connections to other women with young children, you will be granted instant access to an entire team of educated, experienced baby wranglers.
I recommend using them to the best of your ability. Spend some time picking their brains about any and all baby questions you may have.
How do they handle toddler biting in the classroom? You can probably use the same techniques at home. Nap time? Scheduling? Popular Toys?
In addition to learning, you’ll be giving these hard-working girls some much-needed credit for their gifts and talents in their underappreciated profession. Everyone likes to be noticed, and they’ll remember you for it.
These ladies work with at least 8-10 babies every day, and interact with countless parents. They have used more diaper brands than you can imagine. Which rash creams work best? Bet they know. They’ve tried them all.
And don’t forget your fellow daycare parents? I personally was always spying on the contents of the other children’s snack trays. What are their parents feeding them? Which shoe brands are they wearing? Where are they getting their hair cuts done?
You get my point.
A working mom doesn’t need a mommy club – we have our daycare crew.
Instant Friends
Ok, so maybe your 6 month old could care less about the baby sleeping beside her, but your 18 month old will notice. Especially if, like my daughter, your child is the only baby in the family it is nice to know they are learning to share while at school.
Socialization during the toddler years was important to me. I noticed while attending parties with friends that the “institutionalized” daycare children were often better behaved, and were more well-mannered than their stay at home playmates.
They could walk in a line anyway. Hey, it’s a small win. Take it.
Less Television, More Play
I don’t know about your facility, but mine was a television free zone, and I was over the moon about it. In fact, my daughter was four years old before she learned who Elmo was. We barely watched any television and I loved every minute of it. The nights and weekends never afforded much time for it, and during the week she was busy with circle time, playgrounds and naps. I smile every time I think about how much more I believe she learned during those early years by having limited exposure to TV.
Of course it’s possible to achieve this while at home too, but I personally don’t have the will power to maintain a TV free week while home alone with my four kids. Sesame Street inevitably gets turned on so I can sneak away to get something done.
The Daycare Negatives
I’m fully aware there are some, with increased illness topping my list. It’s just the nature of that environment. However it’s not my goal here to highlight them, but to provide support and hope to those parents faced with placing their child in a care facility.
If it’s something your family has decided must be done, there is no point in dwelling on the negatives. A disheartened attitude doesn’t help you or your baby.
A Well Adjusted Child
My daughter entered daycare at 12 weeks of life, and remained in daycare until she was about four. We kept her in the same school throughout. Although I had days where I contemplated other facilities, I felt that consistency far outweighed any minor annoyances I might have had that month in regards to the daycare we selected.
Outside of a move, I suggest doing your very best to select a quality daycare in the beginning, and remain there if possible. I watched many children leave our school, only to return soon after. The constant bouncing around will take its toll on your child, and lessen the value that the daycare experience can provide.
At this point my daughter is eight and in second grade. I look at her with pride every day. She’s an intelligent, confident girl who is affectionate, compassionate and caring with others. I feel tremendously close with her and in no way feel that she is any worse off for her time spent in a daycare facility.
